A letter to my sweet Hamza.

My sweetest boy,

I am so proud of you. You amaze me every single day.

I know it can't be easy living in a world that doesn't always understand you and even more, a mom and dad who don't always understand either. I promise you, we are trying. You'll never know just how much I worry and think about what I can do for you.

You are so smart and so loving. Your bright smile will always get you out of trouble. Your laugh is infectious and only makes me want to tickle you more!

I feel so lucky to be your mommy and have you in my life.  I love watching you grow into such an amazing little boy.

Always know that I love you so much.

Smile

I found myself looking through some pictures on Instagram the other day and was quite shocked my some of the comments that were written.

Being a person who enjoys fitness and also some motivation, I decided to start following igfitclub on Instagram. Now, some of the women on there are a little too muscular for my taste and for me to want to aspire to look like. Others on there look a little more... realistic and achievable.
To each his own.

The photos were not what I have the problem with. What I have found to be mind blowing are the comments that people feel as though they can share and not be held accountable for. Not just on this particular page, but all over Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and believe it or not, Pinterest.
Gay..
That's a man..
Fake boobs...
Gross..

and on and on and on..

I feel as though the Internet has become a shield for anyone to say hurtful things without being held accountable and I feel as though I am seeing it more and more each day.
I am frightened for the world that my little boys will have to live in. Will it become easier to say those things face to face?
Maybe..
Will it become easier for a person that has been bullied to think that hurting a large group of people or even one other person will make them feel better?
Possibly..

Maybe one person will read this or maybe a few. To those of you who do, I am suggesting this:
Let's all start being nicer to each other. Face to face and over the Internet. In groups of friends and one on one.
Smile at a stranger.
Don't leave that nasty comment your fingers are itching to type.
So what if that girl doesn't look perfect in her outfit? I am sure you don't look perfect either.
Maybe that YouTube video someone posted is terrible. So what? It's not hurting you.

Let's all take a moment to do something good for the world and the people in it and maybe the world can get back to what it was when kids could ride their bikes outside until the street lights came on without parents having to be extremely worried.
Just do it to know you made someone else smile and yourself a little happier, even for a moment.

Happy Birthday Faris!

This time last year I had been in the hospital for nine days.
I had been poked, measured and not able to wear pants.
I hadn't seen Hamza but a few times.
My mom was doing Ali's laundry and unpacking my new house.
I had just been moved into my own room and would be in complete shock that as fast I was moved and settled into that room, I would be leaving it behind.


I only have bits and pieces of memories from the first 48 hours in the hospital but the last few days are still vivid.
There was a lot of comotion trying to prepare for Faris coming into the world as he made sure to do it right at shift change! The nurse tried 4 times before finding a vein able to get my IV into. The contractions were starting and getting stronger. They wheeled me through hallways and rooms to do an ultrasound (all without pants!) only to find out we would have to do a C-section as Faris had decided to flip around and go feet first!
Paperwork to sign, disclaimers to be told by the doctor, tears to wipe but all with a smile.
The one memory that sticks out was that while all of this is going on, I was frantically calling Ali but wasn't able to get ahold of him for almost an hour. (Note to all husbands out there: If your wife is in the hospital KEEP YOUR CELL PHONE WITH YOU AT ALL TIMES!) Boy, that man is lucky I am understanding and just plain cool... and that he made it in time.


I didn't get to see Faris after he came out but my mom said he had put up such a fight when they were trying to get all of his IVs and wires hooked up, that it took more than one nurse just to hold him down. I don't think he has changed one bit. We used to struggle to get the Oxygen tubes hooked up to his face. One person would hold his head while the other hooked him up. Even now when we are trying to get him dressed it's a battle. There are just too many other important things to do than lay down and get a clean diaper or clothes on or stay in the womb for the full nine months!


I can't believe he is going to be one tomorrow. I want to say that I don't know where the time went but I do. It went to doctor's visits, driving, blood draws, waiting rooms and pharmacies but it was all to have the healthy baby we have, sleeping across the hall from us today.


Faris loves his brother and thinks he is super cool. The jury is still out with Hamza but he is starting to come around.
He loves chasing Bruno around from one side of the room to the other. Poor Bruno's only defense is to lick him.

That baby is just so happy to see anyone who wants to look his way. He loves crawling into Hamza's room to play with the big boy toys.His laugh is wonderful and his smile is contagious. He can pull himself up to standing and I wouldn't be surprised if he started walking much earlier than we expected him to. He even crawled up the first two stairs the other day! I can't wait to see what else he has to show us this next year.


Happy birthday to my sweet little boy.
We love you so much.