Our days in the NICU are coming to an end.
About ten weeks ago my water broke.
Ten days later and my world being ripped out from underneath my feet, I went into labor.
Three days after leaving the hospital, Hamza went to Utah with my mom for almost a month.
Slowly but surely, everything started coming back together and we are nearing the end to our days in the NICU. We still don't know exactly what day but it is looking like early next week.
He has been taking all of his meals from a bottle for the past few days. He has reached the 5lb mark and grown out of his preemie clothes! His Oxygen flow is at .1 and he is doing so well with it that they might try taking him off completely! If not, we are set up at home for him to be on Oxygen.
The last week has been filled with conversations about him coming home. What doctors he will need to visit. The home nurse that will come to see him twice a week for the next three weeks. His room has his bedding all ready for him and will finally be painted green on Wednesday. The Pack N' Play is next to our bed, next to the 4 foot tall Oxygen tank, next to the apnea monitor. The bottles are all washed and ready to be used, sitting on the counter next to the pacifiers. I made room for the newborn sized clothes, preemie diapers and swaddle blankets.
I keep thinking back to the day I saw the family next to us holding their baby and how much it broke my heart and soul not to be able to hold mine. I remember leaving the hospital without Faris and thinking that this day would never come. That is seemed so far away.
It feels so strange to be the family bringing in the car seat to do the car seat test with him. I want to tell the other mom's there that I understand how hard it is to see a mom getting ready to leave with her baby but that their day will come too, I promise. I want to hug the new mom's who are just starting their journey in the NICU and tell them I know how they feel and it gets better.
I can't wait to hear the cries in the night. The 3 AM feedings and diaper changes. I am so excited to see what Hamza is going to do when he finally realizes that the little squeaky things is here to stay. I can't wait to give him a bath at home and read a book before bed as a family.
I can't wait to feel like a mom of two little boys.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
The new NICU
I am loving the Loudoun Hospital NICU!
Faris was transferred to Loudoun Hospital last week by ambulance as he was finally a 'Feeder & Grower' and stable enough to be moved. The new NICU is so much more peaceful! He went from sharing a room with about 10 other babies and just about as many nurses, to a room with two other babies! I love that Amy is there and that she cuddles with him whenever she can. It is wonderful to speak with the nurses and not feel that they have 15 other things that they have to do at the same time.
He was also moved to an open crib when he got there! I can't even begin to explain how nice it feels to have the nurse tell me I can just pick him up! I haven't been able to just go in and pick up my baby for 7 weeks. SEVEN WEEKS.
Hamza finally was able to meet his brother at the new place as well! Although, he did what most two year old boys would do. Nothing. He says Faris when asked as well as brother and it is the sweetest sound I have heard. I can't wait to see what he does when Faris is home. Probably not much until he realizes that Faris is here to stay.
I do miss his nurses at Fairfax. They became family with the amount of time we spent there. I will always remember how great they were to my family and to our tiny 2lb 7oz baby. I couldn't have asked for a better experience, besides not having to go through that at all, than the one we had with them. The move happened so quickly that we weren't able to really say good bye to our Room. They will always have a place in our family and in our hearts for their love and kindness they gave to my boy.
We still don't have an end date in sight but I have just come to accept that. The NICU is the best place for him as it has been since he came into our lives. He is doing so well!! He is getting ready to take his feedings by mouth and weening him off of the Oxygen. I try not to get too excited but it's hard when the nurse asked about a pediatrician! He looks just like his Daddy and just like Hamza did when he was a newborn! I swear he is going to have reddish brown hair like mine and those big black eyes and great skin color like his daddy.
I love that little boy so much.
I can't wait for him to come home with us...
Faris was transferred to Loudoun Hospital last week by ambulance as he was finally a 'Feeder & Grower' and stable enough to be moved. The new NICU is so much more peaceful! He went from sharing a room with about 10 other babies and just about as many nurses, to a room with two other babies! I love that Amy is there and that she cuddles with him whenever she can. It is wonderful to speak with the nurses and not feel that they have 15 other things that they have to do at the same time.
He was also moved to an open crib when he got there! I can't even begin to explain how nice it feels to have the nurse tell me I can just pick him up! I haven't been able to just go in and pick up my baby for 7 weeks. SEVEN WEEKS.
Hamza finally was able to meet his brother at the new place as well! Although, he did what most two year old boys would do. Nothing. He says Faris when asked as well as brother and it is the sweetest sound I have heard. I can't wait to see what he does when Faris is home. Probably not much until he realizes that Faris is here to stay.
I do miss his nurses at Fairfax. They became family with the amount of time we spent there. I will always remember how great they were to my family and to our tiny 2lb 7oz baby. I couldn't have asked for a better experience, besides not having to go through that at all, than the one we had with them. The move happened so quickly that we weren't able to really say good bye to our Room. They will always have a place in our family and in our hearts for their love and kindness they gave to my boy.
We still don't have an end date in sight but I have just come to accept that. The NICU is the best place for him as it has been since he came into our lives. He is doing so well!! He is getting ready to take his feedings by mouth and weening him off of the Oxygen. I try not to get too excited but it's hard when the nurse asked about a pediatrician! He looks just like his Daddy and just like Hamza did when he was a newborn! I swear he is going to have reddish brown hair like mine and those big black eyes and great skin color like his daddy.
I love that little boy so much.
I can't wait for him to come home with us...
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Jealous
I have to admit that from time to time I still get a bit jealous.
The first time leaving the hospital and seeing the new dad's carrying the carseat towards he elevator or the new mom being wheeled down to the waiting room while holding the new baby was a bit hard to take. There always seems to be at least one mother out with her toddler and a newborn strapped to her in a Baby Bjorn where ever I happen to be. The ones that really get to me are the parent's carrying the carseat into the NICU because I know that they are taking their baby home, finally.
I would never wish this on my worst enemy, if I even have one. Probably not even on Sadaam Hussein. I wouldn't wish the heartbreak of not taking your baby home with you the day you leave the hospital. Seeing your tiny baby with IV lines & wires that connect him to monitors with alarms that seem to be constantly going off. A breathing machine over his whole face for the first month, I couldn't even see his face. A feeding tube in his mouth that no matter how many times the nurses told me it shouldn't bother him, I always thought it did. Three blood transfusions, so far. All on a baby that weighs less than 4lbs.
But I think the worst of it is that his mom isn't there with him. I can't comfort him every time he is upset. I can't just pick him up when I am there without first checking to see if he is having a good day. Washing my hands and arms up to my elbows, putting my stuff in a locker, having the secretary call the nurses to make sure I can come back and visit, showing the nurse my wristband so they know he is mine...
I am not my babies main caregiver and I don't even know when I will be. Some days I stare at all of his little stuff that we have waiting for him. The little clothes and his crib he inherited from Hamza. His 'little brother' shirts that are to be taken quite literally now. I just wonder when he will be in there. When he will be home and spitting up on me, waking me in the middle of the night to eat, pooping out of his diaper and just being home with us so we can be whole again and my jealousy will go away.
The first time leaving the hospital and seeing the new dad's carrying the carseat towards he elevator or the new mom being wheeled down to the waiting room while holding the new baby was a bit hard to take. There always seems to be at least one mother out with her toddler and a newborn strapped to her in a Baby Bjorn where ever I happen to be. The ones that really get to me are the parent's carrying the carseat into the NICU because I know that they are taking their baby home, finally.
I would never wish this on my worst enemy, if I even have one. Probably not even on Sadaam Hussein. I wouldn't wish the heartbreak of not taking your baby home with you the day you leave the hospital. Seeing your tiny baby with IV lines & wires that connect him to monitors with alarms that seem to be constantly going off. A breathing machine over his whole face for the first month, I couldn't even see his face. A feeding tube in his mouth that no matter how many times the nurses told me it shouldn't bother him, I always thought it did. Three blood transfusions, so far. All on a baby that weighs less than 4lbs.
But I think the worst of it is that his mom isn't there with him. I can't comfort him every time he is upset. I can't just pick him up when I am there without first checking to see if he is having a good day. Washing my hands and arms up to my elbows, putting my stuff in a locker, having the secretary call the nurses to make sure I can come back and visit, showing the nurse my wristband so they know he is mine...
I am not my babies main caregiver and I don't even know when I will be. Some days I stare at all of his little stuff that we have waiting for him. The little clothes and his crib he inherited from Hamza. His 'little brother' shirts that are to be taken quite literally now. I just wonder when he will be in there. When he will be home and spitting up on me, waking me in the middle of the night to eat, pooping out of his diaper and just being home with us so we can be whole again and my jealousy will go away.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)