The boys and I have been busy busy with lots of appointments, a visit from Bebe (my mom), growing, learning, worrying but most importantly, a whole lotta love.
Today is a big day for us. We had an appointment with the Pulmonary Specialist (Lung Doc) and it was our third visit since leaving the hospital. I had been praying, wishing and just plain hoping that we would be cleared to just wear the Oxygen at night.
Faris was weighed. Pulse checked. Temperature checked. Respiratory rate counted. Chest listened to. Ears, eyes and mouth checked.
Then the third best news we have been given since he was discharged.. Faris is allowed to be off the Oxygen during the day and only needs it at night when he is sleeping. It was hard to hold back the tears of pure joy right in the office. I didn't have to put the sticky dots onto his face and fight him to put the cannula back into his little nose. I put him in the car seat, buckled him in and pushed the stroller with my two little boys out of the office!
No more bulky tank to carry around.
No more stares from strangers at the tubes running under the blanket.
No more fighting him multiple times a day to hook him back up.
I am so proud of that little boy. He continues to amaze me every single day with how far he has come along. I always think back to the tiny little thing the doctor's took out of me three months early and am still just shocked.
Tonight, he is sleeping in his own room for the first time. I am extremely nervous but so happy for both of us. I have gone in there to check on him three times even though he is still on the monitor that would alarm if he stopped breathing.
He weighs 11lbs 12 oz as of last week and was 22 inches. He has grown almost 10 inches and 10 pounds since he was born! He was cleared by the Retina specialist and only needs a routine check by the eye doctor in January with hopes of being cleared for the year after that appointment.
All of his doctors and specialists are so happy with his progress and so are we. I know the prayers from everyone have helped him so much and kept him going. I know I have said thank you before but I feel as though it would never be enough to express just how much we appreciate everything that everyone has done for us and for Faris, to keep us all going.
Please know how much every person that has helped us, means to us.
That you're always in our hearts and we would do the same for you.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Due Date
September 23rd was my 'official' due date.
My mom should be visiting this weekend but she has come and gone.
We should be just leaving the hospital but our stay there has come and gone.
I had a very interesting lunch today with the Preemies Today group that I stumbled upon during one of my many trips to Fairfax Hospital. We went around the table introducing ourselves and our preemies, how many weeks they were born at and how old they were now. If they had any complications. How long their NICU stay was. Did they have a good experience with the nurses and doctors.
I found myself between two women that had given birth to twins but unfortunately, lost one of their babies. One about two years ago and the other on Faris' birth date.
It made me realize just how blessed and fortunate we are to have him still with us. I know that compared to most babies, we had it pretty easy in there. He did as well as expected, if not better. We didn't have any major set backs. He came out breathing on his own, even crying right away. Our nurses and doctors were all amazing. (I heard some awful stories from these women today and some of them were in the same hospital we were in.) He gained weight very well and he came home almost a month before his due date. Most importantly and again, we still have him with us.
Weight checks. Eye exams. Blood work. An ultrasound. Pulmonary specialists and who knows what other kind of specialist we will be sent to in the coming months and years. I will wake up and do it all every single day, if needed, because it means he is here with us. I felt terribly for those two moms as we talked about what a joy it was to have our babies home. I wanted to hug them both. And although both women explained that it was therapeutic to talk about their experience, I couldn't help but feel the way I did.
I love that baby boy so much. I am so thankful that we have him home with us and that he is continuing to do well. I am so thankful that our experience in both NICU's went as well as they did.
I am especially thankful to my family and friends that were and are still so supportive.
I know that we are just as lucky and blessed to have you all as we are to have Faris with us.
My mom should be visiting this weekend but she has come and gone.
We should be just leaving the hospital but our stay there has come and gone.
I had a very interesting lunch today with the Preemies Today group that I stumbled upon during one of my many trips to Fairfax Hospital. We went around the table introducing ourselves and our preemies, how many weeks they were born at and how old they were now. If they had any complications. How long their NICU stay was. Did they have a good experience with the nurses and doctors.
I found myself between two women that had given birth to twins but unfortunately, lost one of their babies. One about two years ago and the other on Faris' birth date.
It made me realize just how blessed and fortunate we are to have him still with us. I know that compared to most babies, we had it pretty easy in there. He did as well as expected, if not better. We didn't have any major set backs. He came out breathing on his own, even crying right away. Our nurses and doctors were all amazing. (I heard some awful stories from these women today and some of them were in the same hospital we were in.) He gained weight very well and he came home almost a month before his due date. Most importantly and again, we still have him with us.
Weight checks. Eye exams. Blood work. An ultrasound. Pulmonary specialists and who knows what other kind of specialist we will be sent to in the coming months and years. I will wake up and do it all every single day, if needed, because it means he is here with us. I felt terribly for those two moms as we talked about what a joy it was to have our babies home. I wanted to hug them both. And although both women explained that it was therapeutic to talk about their experience, I couldn't help but feel the way I did.
I love that baby boy so much. I am so thankful that we have him home with us and that he is continuing to do well. I am so thankful that our experience in both NICU's went as well as they did.
I am especially thankful to my family and friends that were and are still so supportive.
I know that we are just as lucky and blessed to have you all as we are to have Faris with us.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Home
I don't think I will ever forget the words spoken to me the morning that Faris was discharged.
'He's going home today.'
It was the longest walk down such a short hall. Ali was carrying Hamza and I was carrying Faris in the car seat, attached to his monitor and oxygen. The tears were streaming down my cheeks as the nurse followed us out. Every step forward was one closer to Faris finally coming home and our days in the NICU one step further behind us.
After a brief battle with actually getting the car seat into the car, we were on our way home. I sat in the back with my two boys in complete awe. My two boys in the same place at the same time and they were all mine.
It has been an interesting month so far. About two doctor appointments each week and one long trip to the ER in order to get a correct reading on his Potassium level in his blood (not anything serious). Weight checks, a lung doc and a couple of eye doctor appointments so far and I was pretty happy that we only had to see one of those doctors this week.
Hamza still isn't quite sure what this thing is doing here and sometimes I wonder how they let this little boy go home with us so soon but I am happy that they did. Bruno took to this baby much better than he did Hamza. In fact, he cuddles up next to me on the ground while we do our 3AM & 6AM feedings every morning.
He is gaining weight very well. He was 7lbs 7oz last Saturday and I am sure that he has gone up to almost 8lbs, if not more by this weekend.
I love having two little boys. I love when Hamza says 'Faysis' and 'broder' and pats him and says 'Nice.' We sit together on the bed while Faris is eating and watch Bubble Guppies and my heart just feels so full again with my boys next to me. I love seeing Faris in Hamza's baby clothes. It has only been a few things as Hamza went right into 3 month sized clothes and Faris is still in Newborn size but the few pieces that fit bring a smile to my face.
I am still shocked that I have two kids or maybe that it just seems real now that I am the one taking care of him and not the NICU nurses.
I can't wait to see what our lives will be like as a family of four.
'He's going home today.'
It was the longest walk down such a short hall. Ali was carrying Hamza and I was carrying Faris in the car seat, attached to his monitor and oxygen. The tears were streaming down my cheeks as the nurse followed us out. Every step forward was one closer to Faris finally coming home and our days in the NICU one step further behind us.
After a brief battle with actually getting the car seat into the car, we were on our way home. I sat in the back with my two boys in complete awe. My two boys in the same place at the same time and they were all mine.
It has been an interesting month so far. About two doctor appointments each week and one long trip to the ER in order to get a correct reading on his Potassium level in his blood (not anything serious). Weight checks, a lung doc and a couple of eye doctor appointments so far and I was pretty happy that we only had to see one of those doctors this week.
Hamza still isn't quite sure what this thing is doing here and sometimes I wonder how they let this little boy go home with us so soon but I am happy that they did. Bruno took to this baby much better than he did Hamza. In fact, he cuddles up next to me on the ground while we do our 3AM & 6AM feedings every morning.
He is gaining weight very well. He was 7lbs 7oz last Saturday and I am sure that he has gone up to almost 8lbs, if not more by this weekend.
I love having two little boys. I love when Hamza says 'Faysis' and 'broder' and pats him and says 'Nice.' We sit together on the bed while Faris is eating and watch Bubble Guppies and my heart just feels so full again with my boys next to me. I love seeing Faris in Hamza's baby clothes. It has only been a few things as Hamza went right into 3 month sized clothes and Faris is still in Newborn size but the few pieces that fit bring a smile to my face.
I am still shocked that I have two kids or maybe that it just seems real now that I am the one taking care of him and not the NICU nurses.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Five Pounds
Our days in the NICU are coming to an end.
About ten weeks ago my water broke.
Ten days later and my world being ripped out from underneath my feet, I went into labor.
Three days after leaving the hospital, Hamza went to Utah with my mom for almost a month.
Slowly but surely, everything started coming back together and we are nearing the end to our days in the NICU. We still don't know exactly what day but it is looking like early next week.
He has been taking all of his meals from a bottle for the past few days. He has reached the 5lb mark and grown out of his preemie clothes! His Oxygen flow is at .1 and he is doing so well with it that they might try taking him off completely! If not, we are set up at home for him to be on Oxygen.
The last week has been filled with conversations about him coming home. What doctors he will need to visit. The home nurse that will come to see him twice a week for the next three weeks. His room has his bedding all ready for him and will finally be painted green on Wednesday. The Pack N' Play is next to our bed, next to the 4 foot tall Oxygen tank, next to the apnea monitor. The bottles are all washed and ready to be used, sitting on the counter next to the pacifiers. I made room for the newborn sized clothes, preemie diapers and swaddle blankets.
I keep thinking back to the day I saw the family next to us holding their baby and how much it broke my heart and soul not to be able to hold mine. I remember leaving the hospital without Faris and thinking that this day would never come. That is seemed so far away.
It feels so strange to be the family bringing in the car seat to do the car seat test with him. I want to tell the other mom's there that I understand how hard it is to see a mom getting ready to leave with her baby but that their day will come too, I promise. I want to hug the new mom's who are just starting their journey in the NICU and tell them I know how they feel and it gets better.
I can't wait to hear the cries in the night. The 3 AM feedings and diaper changes. I am so excited to see what Hamza is going to do when he finally realizes that the little squeaky things is here to stay. I can't wait to give him a bath at home and read a book before bed as a family.
I can't wait to feel like a mom of two little boys.
About ten weeks ago my water broke.
Ten days later and my world being ripped out from underneath my feet, I went into labor.
Three days after leaving the hospital, Hamza went to Utah with my mom for almost a month.
Slowly but surely, everything started coming back together and we are nearing the end to our days in the NICU. We still don't know exactly what day but it is looking like early next week.
He has been taking all of his meals from a bottle for the past few days. He has reached the 5lb mark and grown out of his preemie clothes! His Oxygen flow is at .1 and he is doing so well with it that they might try taking him off completely! If not, we are set up at home for him to be on Oxygen.
The last week has been filled with conversations about him coming home. What doctors he will need to visit. The home nurse that will come to see him twice a week for the next three weeks. His room has his bedding all ready for him and will finally be painted green on Wednesday. The Pack N' Play is next to our bed, next to the 4 foot tall Oxygen tank, next to the apnea monitor. The bottles are all washed and ready to be used, sitting on the counter next to the pacifiers. I made room for the newborn sized clothes, preemie diapers and swaddle blankets.
I keep thinking back to the day I saw the family next to us holding their baby and how much it broke my heart and soul not to be able to hold mine. I remember leaving the hospital without Faris and thinking that this day would never come. That is seemed so far away.
It feels so strange to be the family bringing in the car seat to do the car seat test with him. I want to tell the other mom's there that I understand how hard it is to see a mom getting ready to leave with her baby but that their day will come too, I promise. I want to hug the new mom's who are just starting their journey in the NICU and tell them I know how they feel and it gets better.
I can't wait to hear the cries in the night. The 3 AM feedings and diaper changes. I am so excited to see what Hamza is going to do when he finally realizes that the little squeaky things is here to stay. I can't wait to give him a bath at home and read a book before bed as a family.
I can't wait to feel like a mom of two little boys.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
The new NICU
I am loving the Loudoun Hospital NICU!
Faris was transferred to Loudoun Hospital last week by ambulance as he was finally a 'Feeder & Grower' and stable enough to be moved. The new NICU is so much more peaceful! He went from sharing a room with about 10 other babies and just about as many nurses, to a room with two other babies! I love that Amy is there and that she cuddles with him whenever she can. It is wonderful to speak with the nurses and not feel that they have 15 other things that they have to do at the same time.
He was also moved to an open crib when he got there! I can't even begin to explain how nice it feels to have the nurse tell me I can just pick him up! I haven't been able to just go in and pick up my baby for 7 weeks. SEVEN WEEKS.
Hamza finally was able to meet his brother at the new place as well! Although, he did what most two year old boys would do. Nothing. He says Faris when asked as well as brother and it is the sweetest sound I have heard. I can't wait to see what he does when Faris is home. Probably not much until he realizes that Faris is here to stay.
I do miss his nurses at Fairfax. They became family with the amount of time we spent there. I will always remember how great they were to my family and to our tiny 2lb 7oz baby. I couldn't have asked for a better experience, besides not having to go through that at all, than the one we had with them. The move happened so quickly that we weren't able to really say good bye to our Room. They will always have a place in our family and in our hearts for their love and kindness they gave to my boy.
We still don't have an end date in sight but I have just come to accept that. The NICU is the best place for him as it has been since he came into our lives. He is doing so well!! He is getting ready to take his feedings by mouth and weening him off of the Oxygen. I try not to get too excited but it's hard when the nurse asked about a pediatrician! He looks just like his Daddy and just like Hamza did when he was a newborn! I swear he is going to have reddish brown hair like mine and those big black eyes and great skin color like his daddy.
I love that little boy so much.
I can't wait for him to come home with us...
Faris was transferred to Loudoun Hospital last week by ambulance as he was finally a 'Feeder & Grower' and stable enough to be moved. The new NICU is so much more peaceful! He went from sharing a room with about 10 other babies and just about as many nurses, to a room with two other babies! I love that Amy is there and that she cuddles with him whenever she can. It is wonderful to speak with the nurses and not feel that they have 15 other things that they have to do at the same time.
He was also moved to an open crib when he got there! I can't even begin to explain how nice it feels to have the nurse tell me I can just pick him up! I haven't been able to just go in and pick up my baby for 7 weeks. SEVEN WEEKS.
Hamza finally was able to meet his brother at the new place as well! Although, he did what most two year old boys would do. Nothing. He says Faris when asked as well as brother and it is the sweetest sound I have heard. I can't wait to see what he does when Faris is home. Probably not much until he realizes that Faris is here to stay.
I do miss his nurses at Fairfax. They became family with the amount of time we spent there. I will always remember how great they were to my family and to our tiny 2lb 7oz baby. I couldn't have asked for a better experience, besides not having to go through that at all, than the one we had with them. The move happened so quickly that we weren't able to really say good bye to our Room. They will always have a place in our family and in our hearts for their love and kindness they gave to my boy.
We still don't have an end date in sight but I have just come to accept that. The NICU is the best place for him as it has been since he came into our lives. He is doing so well!! He is getting ready to take his feedings by mouth and weening him off of the Oxygen. I try not to get too excited but it's hard when the nurse asked about a pediatrician! He looks just like his Daddy and just like Hamza did when he was a newborn! I swear he is going to have reddish brown hair like mine and those big black eyes and great skin color like his daddy.
I love that little boy so much.
I can't wait for him to come home with us...
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Jealous
I have to admit that from time to time I still get a bit jealous.
The first time leaving the hospital and seeing the new dad's carrying the carseat towards he elevator or the new mom being wheeled down to the waiting room while holding the new baby was a bit hard to take. There always seems to be at least one mother out with her toddler and a newborn strapped to her in a Baby Bjorn where ever I happen to be. The ones that really get to me are the parent's carrying the carseat into the NICU because I know that they are taking their baby home, finally.
I would never wish this on my worst enemy, if I even have one. Probably not even on Sadaam Hussein. I wouldn't wish the heartbreak of not taking your baby home with you the day you leave the hospital. Seeing your tiny baby with IV lines & wires that connect him to monitors with alarms that seem to be constantly going off. A breathing machine over his whole face for the first month, I couldn't even see his face. A feeding tube in his mouth that no matter how many times the nurses told me it shouldn't bother him, I always thought it did. Three blood transfusions, so far. All on a baby that weighs less than 4lbs.
But I think the worst of it is that his mom isn't there with him. I can't comfort him every time he is upset. I can't just pick him up when I am there without first checking to see if he is having a good day. Washing my hands and arms up to my elbows, putting my stuff in a locker, having the secretary call the nurses to make sure I can come back and visit, showing the nurse my wristband so they know he is mine...
I am not my babies main caregiver and I don't even know when I will be. Some days I stare at all of his little stuff that we have waiting for him. The little clothes and his crib he inherited from Hamza. His 'little brother' shirts that are to be taken quite literally now. I just wonder when he will be in there. When he will be home and spitting up on me, waking me in the middle of the night to eat, pooping out of his diaper and just being home with us so we can be whole again and my jealousy will go away.
The first time leaving the hospital and seeing the new dad's carrying the carseat towards he elevator or the new mom being wheeled down to the waiting room while holding the new baby was a bit hard to take. There always seems to be at least one mother out with her toddler and a newborn strapped to her in a Baby Bjorn where ever I happen to be. The ones that really get to me are the parent's carrying the carseat into the NICU because I know that they are taking their baby home, finally.
I would never wish this on my worst enemy, if I even have one. Probably not even on Sadaam Hussein. I wouldn't wish the heartbreak of not taking your baby home with you the day you leave the hospital. Seeing your tiny baby with IV lines & wires that connect him to monitors with alarms that seem to be constantly going off. A breathing machine over his whole face for the first month, I couldn't even see his face. A feeding tube in his mouth that no matter how many times the nurses told me it shouldn't bother him, I always thought it did. Three blood transfusions, so far. All on a baby that weighs less than 4lbs.
But I think the worst of it is that his mom isn't there with him. I can't comfort him every time he is upset. I can't just pick him up when I am there without first checking to see if he is having a good day. Washing my hands and arms up to my elbows, putting my stuff in a locker, having the secretary call the nurses to make sure I can come back and visit, showing the nurse my wristband so they know he is mine...
I am not my babies main caregiver and I don't even know when I will be. Some days I stare at all of his little stuff that we have waiting for him. The little clothes and his crib he inherited from Hamza. His 'little brother' shirts that are to be taken quite literally now. I just wonder when he will be in there. When he will be home and spitting up on me, waking me in the middle of the night to eat, pooping out of his diaper and just being home with us so we can be whole again and my jealousy will go away.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Is It Thursday Yet??
My arms are aching for my boys.
I never for a second thought I would leave the hospital without my baby, as I am sure most parents wouldn't. Nor did I think that after coming home, my two year old would be on his way to Utah for over three weeks. I catch myself day dreaming about Thursday afternoon. The drive to the airport seems entirely too far away and today is going by as just as slow.
I do not know what I am going to do when I see Hamza. I have only seen him a handful of times in the last six weeks. My mom has been great with sending pictures and videos but it is just not the same as the real Hamza. I don't think I have ever been this excited to clean up toys, change diapers and do more laundry. I've found myself just looking at his room and wondering what it will look like to have him sleeping and playing in there again.
Then I look at Faris' room and realize that it's going to be even longer before that baby boy is home. (And that we really need to paint his room because it's magenta and the kid has been through enough already.) I wonder what it will be like to see him at home and in his crib without all of the alarms in the NICU going off. I wonder what Hamza will think of him or if he will even care that Faris is here. I wonder what it will feel like to have both of my boys at home, giving them baths at night and reading them stories before bed.
Faris is doing so well in the NICU. He is now 3lbs, 8oz & 17 1/2 inches long! His PICC line was taken out on Sunday night and he was finally able to wear clothes on Monday! He is learning to regulate his own temperature so his bed is no longer in charge of keeping him warm. By the end of this week, he will be off of the CPAP and either onto the nasal canula or just on his own. Once he does that, we will be able to try regular mouth feedings.
My boys continue to amaze me every day no matter what they are doing or where they are. I am so proud and blessed to be the mom of two such wonderful little creatures. I kept asking myself how I could love another little boy as much as Hamza and now I couldn't imagine only having one.
I never for a second thought I would leave the hospital without my baby, as I am sure most parents wouldn't. Nor did I think that after coming home, my two year old would be on his way to Utah for over three weeks. I catch myself day dreaming about Thursday afternoon. The drive to the airport seems entirely too far away and today is going by as just as slow.
I do not know what I am going to do when I see Hamza. I have only seen him a handful of times in the last six weeks. My mom has been great with sending pictures and videos but it is just not the same as the real Hamza. I don't think I have ever been this excited to clean up toys, change diapers and do more laundry. I've found myself just looking at his room and wondering what it will look like to have him sleeping and playing in there again.
Then I look at Faris' room and realize that it's going to be even longer before that baby boy is home. (And that we really need to paint his room because it's magenta and the kid has been through enough already.) I wonder what it will be like to see him at home and in his crib without all of the alarms in the NICU going off. I wonder what Hamza will think of him or if he will even care that Faris is here. I wonder what it will feel like to have both of my boys at home, giving them baths at night and reading them stories before bed.
Faris is doing so well in the NICU. He is now 3lbs, 8oz & 17 1/2 inches long! His PICC line was taken out on Sunday night and he was finally able to wear clothes on Monday! He is learning to regulate his own temperature so his bed is no longer in charge of keeping him warm. By the end of this week, he will be off of the CPAP and either onto the nasal canula or just on his own. Once he does that, we will be able to try regular mouth feedings.
My boys continue to amaze me every day no matter what they are doing or where they are. I am so proud and blessed to be the mom of two such wonderful little creatures. I kept asking myself how I could love another little boy as much as Hamza and now I couldn't imagine only having one.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
I wish...
I wish I could do all of this for you.
I wish I could be inside the Isolette away from home and the comfort of mommy & daddy. I wish I could do every test for you, the heel pricks almost every day, the breathing machine with all of the straps around your tiny little head. I would do every blood pressure check, the IVs, the blood transfusions, the feeding tube.. I would do it all for you if I could.
I know it can't be easy in there for you because it's not easy for us to have you there instead of home. There are some days that I can't hold you because your tiny little body just can't handle it. You will never quite know how much my heart aches on those days when all I can do it touch you through the sides of your bed. I have to remind myself that you don't know what is going on and you won't remember it.
I can't wait to get you home and watch you grow up and learn new things, play with your brother and just spend time with you. I will look back on the day that you were just a tiny 2lbs, 7 oz and wonder where the time went when you are standing taller than me and have your own children. I will look back on the day that you needed the CPAP and Oxygen in wonderment as you run around and play outside. When you take your first steps, I will remember when Daddy's wedding band fit around your wrist with plenty of room to spare.
And when the time comes to finally bring you home, our family will again be whole.
I wish I could be inside the Isolette away from home and the comfort of mommy & daddy. I wish I could do every test for you, the heel pricks almost every day, the breathing machine with all of the straps around your tiny little head. I would do every blood pressure check, the IVs, the blood transfusions, the feeding tube.. I would do it all for you if I could.
I know it can't be easy in there for you because it's not easy for us to have you there instead of home. There are some days that I can't hold you because your tiny little body just can't handle it. You will never quite know how much my heart aches on those days when all I can do it touch you through the sides of your bed. I have to remind myself that you don't know what is going on and you won't remember it.
I can't wait to get you home and watch you grow up and learn new things, play with your brother and just spend time with you. I will look back on the day that you were just a tiny 2lbs, 7 oz and wonder where the time went when you are standing taller than me and have your own children. I will look back on the day that you needed the CPAP and Oxygen in wonderment as you run around and play outside. When you take your first steps, I will remember when Daddy's wedding band fit around your wrist with plenty of room to spare.
And when the time comes to finally bring you home, our family will again be whole.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Oh, Hamza!
As a parent, I have no idea what to do with myself without my children with me.
I cannot, CANNOT wait for Hamza to get home next week!! It feels like Christmas all over again! Thursday, July 28th cannot get here any faster! I just need that little boy back home with me, not eating his dinner, waking up too early, bringing me the remote to watch his cartoons, pooping right before we need to leave somewhere.. I can't wait!
I am going to make sure to spend the next couple of weeks with Hamza doing all of the fun little things I had planned for the Summer. He loves airplanes and I think the first weekend back, we are going to head over to the Dulles Air & Space Museum. I love when he hears one up in the sky and just looks and points to it. Hopefully we can go on a day when the planes are flying close to the old traffic control tower so he can see them up close. It is going to be so much fun!
He loves swimming and I can't wait to just watch him play in the kiddie pool with his water toys! I can't wait to take him there, have some lunch by the pool and just spend some time with him outside.
I cannot wait to read to him at night. I would read him every single one of his books if he asked me too. I haven't been able to do that since before I went to the hospital and only a few nights before he left. I love that he loves to read.
I just want to play hide & seek around the house with him, drive his cars and play blocks with him. It's going to be challenging to take time away from him to be with Faris but I guess I will need to learn to share my time between the two eventually. I sometimes wondered how I could love another little boy as much as my Hamza but I guess Faris heard and made sure I would love him just as much! (As if I wouldn't!)
Next Thursday brings us one step closer to having our boys back home with us and I am so excited! The next step will be getting Faris home. I know that is a little further down the line but he is in good hands and is continuing to do well. He is up to 3lbs 7 oz as of this morning! His belly scan came back normal and his belly button cord was starting to look better. He looks bigger and better every time we see him. I guess we really should get around to painting his room because his homecoming is going to sneak up on us!
So proud of both of my little boys. They continue to amaze me every day.
Is it Thursday yet??
I cannot, CANNOT wait for Hamza to get home next week!! It feels like Christmas all over again! Thursday, July 28th cannot get here any faster! I just need that little boy back home with me, not eating his dinner, waking up too early, bringing me the remote to watch his cartoons, pooping right before we need to leave somewhere.. I can't wait!
I am going to make sure to spend the next couple of weeks with Hamza doing all of the fun little things I had planned for the Summer. He loves airplanes and I think the first weekend back, we are going to head over to the Dulles Air & Space Museum. I love when he hears one up in the sky and just looks and points to it. Hopefully we can go on a day when the planes are flying close to the old traffic control tower so he can see them up close. It is going to be so much fun!
He loves swimming and I can't wait to just watch him play in the kiddie pool with his water toys! I can't wait to take him there, have some lunch by the pool and just spend some time with him outside.
I cannot wait to read to him at night. I would read him every single one of his books if he asked me too. I haven't been able to do that since before I went to the hospital and only a few nights before he left. I love that he loves to read.
I just want to play hide & seek around the house with him, drive his cars and play blocks with him. It's going to be challenging to take time away from him to be with Faris but I guess I will need to learn to share my time between the two eventually. I sometimes wondered how I could love another little boy as much as my Hamza but I guess Faris heard and made sure I would love him just as much! (As if I wouldn't!)
Next Thursday brings us one step closer to having our boys back home with us and I am so excited! The next step will be getting Faris home. I know that is a little further down the line but he is in good hands and is continuing to do well. He is up to 3lbs 7 oz as of this morning! His belly scan came back normal and his belly button cord was starting to look better. He looks bigger and better every time we see him. I guess we really should get around to painting his room because his homecoming is going to sneak up on us!
So proud of both of my little boys. They continue to amaze me every day.
Is it Thursday yet??
Saturday, July 16, 2011
A Full Day With Faris
BEEP BEEP BEEP.... BUZZZZ BUZZZZ...... STEP, STEP, STEP, STEP.... CLICK, SHUT. DING...DING....DING... TALKING. BABY CRYING.. STEP, STEP, STEP, STEP...LIGHTS ON.. BEEEP.. BEEEEEP... TALKING.. CLICK, CLICK. TALKING... BUZZZZ..BUZZZ... TALKING..LIGHTS OFF..DING.....DING.....DING.
These are the noises that go on during most of the day at the NICU. I hope it is much more quiet for him while he is sleeping in his isolette.
Yesterday was the most wonderful time that I have spent with him. I arrived at the hospital at 1:30 in order to attend the NICU support group but found out they do not have the meetings during the summer. Having been slightly disappointed, I went to see Faris and get an update from his nurse knowing that it would instantly cheer me up!
I don't think I have ever been excited about someone close to me working on a double chin but I am cheering this little man on as if it were the Superbowl! His weight is hanging out at about 3lbs and the doctor has left his feed at 3.9ML to let him get used to it. He is still gaining but looses a little after he poops. I guess when you only weigh 3 lbs, pooping can really have an effect on the scale. If only we could all be so lucky.
Faris has been having a small issue with remembering to breath. He had a BRADY yesterday and one also this morning when I called in to see how his night went. The good part is that he recovers himself after only a few seconds. The nurses do not need to stimulate or wake him up at all when it happens. They are not worried about it so I will try not to be either. TRY...TRY......
Now on to the best part of my day, holding my tiny little Faris.
The nurse took him out and stuck him right down in my shirt. It is called Kangaroo Care and after the first time doing it, I understand why they named it so. He just sits down in my shirt, tucked into it and giving a little cry as if to say, 'What are you doing to me?'. He gets a blanket over him and then we just lay there. The nurse put a screen behind me and I closed my eyes and just touched and loved on him. I told him about Bruno, what his brother is doing in Utah. How proud his daddy is of him. His Bebe and how excited she is to see him when he comes home and that his Aunt Katie will be here to meet him in a few weeks (11 days actually.... though I am SO not counting down the days.) Steph & Lyndsay also came to visit, so I made sure to tell him when they got there.
We just laid there and napped together, more him than I on the napping part. It was so wonderful. He picked up his little head and put his hand underneath it at one point. The little noises he makes are just so sweet. I love when he stretches out like he finally is free from his nest inside the isolette. I just love him.
I can't go to the gym yet. Hamza is still in Utah. I am not fully recovered from the C Section and can't do all of the usual stuff around the house. Being with Faris is my outlet. My happiness. My heart. I left the hospital last night feeling so happy and content and ready to face another week with my head up, no support group needed.
These are the noises that go on during most of the day at the NICU. I hope it is much more quiet for him while he is sleeping in his isolette.
Yesterday was the most wonderful time that I have spent with him. I arrived at the hospital at 1:30 in order to attend the NICU support group but found out they do not have the meetings during the summer. Having been slightly disappointed, I went to see Faris and get an update from his nurse knowing that it would instantly cheer me up!
I don't think I have ever been excited about someone close to me working on a double chin but I am cheering this little man on as if it were the Superbowl! His weight is hanging out at about 3lbs and the doctor has left his feed at 3.9ML to let him get used to it. He is still gaining but looses a little after he poops. I guess when you only weigh 3 lbs, pooping can really have an effect on the scale. If only we could all be so lucky.
Faris has been having a small issue with remembering to breath. He had a BRADY yesterday and one also this morning when I called in to see how his night went. The good part is that he recovers himself after only a few seconds. The nurses do not need to stimulate or wake him up at all when it happens. They are not worried about it so I will try not to be either. TRY...TRY......
Now on to the best part of my day, holding my tiny little Faris.
The nurse took him out and stuck him right down in my shirt. It is called Kangaroo Care and after the first time doing it, I understand why they named it so. He just sits down in my shirt, tucked into it and giving a little cry as if to say, 'What are you doing to me?'. He gets a blanket over him and then we just lay there. The nurse put a screen behind me and I closed my eyes and just touched and loved on him. I told him about Bruno, what his brother is doing in Utah. How proud his daddy is of him. His Bebe and how excited she is to see him when he comes home and that his Aunt Katie will be here to meet him in a few weeks (11 days actually.... though I am SO not counting down the days.) Steph & Lyndsay also came to visit, so I made sure to tell him when they got there.
We just laid there and napped together, more him than I on the napping part. It was so wonderful. He picked up his little head and put his hand underneath it at one point. The little noises he makes are just so sweet. I love when he stretches out like he finally is free from his nest inside the isolette. I just love him.
I can't go to the gym yet. Hamza is still in Utah. I am not fully recovered from the C Section and can't do all of the usual stuff around the house. Being with Faris is my outlet. My happiness. My heart. I left the hospital last night feeling so happy and content and ready to face another week with my head up, no support group needed.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Three Pounds
What a great week it has been!
Faris has gained about 80 grams and has reached the three pound mark! I was down there visiting him Friday, Saturday, Sunday & Monday and he looked the same. By Wednesday, I thought the nurses had switched out babies on us!! He had a double chin and a little tiny fat bit of fat rolls on his neck. Ali & I were both totally shocked! I thought he would be living in Preemie clothes for a while but we might be taking some of those back and I couldn't be happier!
He received a blood transfusion earlier in the week and it seems to really be helping. They check his blood periodically for infection, white & red cell count by pricking his heel. For an adult, that wouldn't be a problem but due to his small size and prematurity, he is not able to make blood fast enough to recover the amount they take out. His Oxygen Saturation levels were not steady and it was due to his red cell count being low. Since the transfusion, his Oxygen has remained pretty steadily at 21% which is the same amount that you and I are breathing in now. His CPAP level is still at 4 and he is breathing on his own.
His feed was up to 3.9ML per hour as of last night and I have a feeling that it will be up to 4.1ML by some time today. I am pumping at home and take the breast milk to the hospital for them to mix up and put into his feeding tube. He is also receiving a supplement that provides 24 calories per hour, after seeing him on Wednesday I can tell it is working!
Hamza is trying to read! We usually read one book at home every night and my mom has been reading him two or three each night. One night he sounded out nose and bed to her and last night he said all of the letters on her Sheriff badge!
Earlier in the week he found a picture of us and was loving on it, as we were told. He carried it around and was saying momma & dadda to it. Every time I call my grandma to check on him, she tells me that he has his rope and his mouse and the picture of you guys and is happy. (He found a piece of rope a few trips back and this ugly plastic rat and I guess those are his security while he is there during the day.) Having Hamza there is like a dream com true for my grandma. She always tells me that I am allowed to go back home but I have to leave Hamza whenever one of our stays were coming to an end.
I miss that little man but I know he is having so much fun and is being spoiled! Apparently he is too good for regular yogurt and will only eat the Yoplait Parfait's. The kid is given a smorgasbord of options for dinner; Mac & Cheese, PB & J sandwich, chicken taquitos, apple slices and juice. If that isn't love, I don't know what is. He is not going to want to come back home to mom and dad!
I can't wait to have all of my boys back home with me and I know Ali is looking forward to it just as much!
I will be spending most of the day down at Fairfax Hospital with just Faris & I... and the nurses, doctors and other babies in the room. There is a NICU support group that I am attending this afternoon during my visit. My feelings have been a little up and down about everything so talking it over with other people in the same situation will be good for me. I know it is all normal but I have been excited about this since I could drive myself around again!
Happy Friday!
Faris has gained about 80 grams and has reached the three pound mark! I was down there visiting him Friday, Saturday, Sunday & Monday and he looked the same. By Wednesday, I thought the nurses had switched out babies on us!! He had a double chin and a little tiny fat bit of fat rolls on his neck. Ali & I were both totally shocked! I thought he would be living in Preemie clothes for a while but we might be taking some of those back and I couldn't be happier!
He received a blood transfusion earlier in the week and it seems to really be helping. They check his blood periodically for infection, white & red cell count by pricking his heel. For an adult, that wouldn't be a problem but due to his small size and prematurity, he is not able to make blood fast enough to recover the amount they take out. His Oxygen Saturation levels were not steady and it was due to his red cell count being low. Since the transfusion, his Oxygen has remained pretty steadily at 21% which is the same amount that you and I are breathing in now. His CPAP level is still at 4 and he is breathing on his own.
His feed was up to 3.9ML per hour as of last night and I have a feeling that it will be up to 4.1ML by some time today. I am pumping at home and take the breast milk to the hospital for them to mix up and put into his feeding tube. He is also receiving a supplement that provides 24 calories per hour, after seeing him on Wednesday I can tell it is working!
Hamza is trying to read! We usually read one book at home every night and my mom has been reading him two or three each night. One night he sounded out nose and bed to her and last night he said all of the letters on her Sheriff badge!
Earlier in the week he found a picture of us and was loving on it, as we were told. He carried it around and was saying momma & dadda to it. Every time I call my grandma to check on him, she tells me that he has his rope and his mouse and the picture of you guys and is happy. (He found a piece of rope a few trips back and this ugly plastic rat and I guess those are his security while he is there during the day.) Having Hamza there is like a dream com true for my grandma. She always tells me that I am allowed to go back home but I have to leave Hamza whenever one of our stays were coming to an end.
I miss that little man but I know he is having so much fun and is being spoiled! Apparently he is too good for regular yogurt and will only eat the Yoplait Parfait's. The kid is given a smorgasbord of options for dinner; Mac & Cheese, PB & J sandwich, chicken taquitos, apple slices and juice. If that isn't love, I don't know what is. He is not going to want to come back home to mom and dad!
I can't wait to have all of my boys back home with me and I know Ali is looking forward to it just as much!
I will be spending most of the day down at Fairfax Hospital with just Faris & I... and the nurses, doctors and other babies in the room. There is a NICU support group that I am attending this afternoon during my visit. My feelings have been a little up and down about everything so talking it over with other people in the same situation will be good for me. I know it is all normal but I have been excited about this since I could drive myself around again!
Happy Friday!
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Just Wanted To Tell You I Love You
I am so lucky to have you.
We have the best times together. I love our little family outings to Old Town or a random afternoon in DC. It doesn't matter where the day takes us, as long as we are together as a family, I know we will be laughing.
I have watched you grow into such an amazing person, father and husband over the past five years together. I admire your determination and strength to take care of us and allow me to stay at home with our children. I love when you come home after a long day at work and want to play with Hamza. The sound of him giggling and you playing along with him are some of the best noises in the world. That boy loves you so much and I know Faris will too.
I am so proud of how well you have handled this crazy situation we have been thrown in to. We thought June was an eventful month but I guess we really had no idea just how insane it could get. You were my rock that first night at the hospital when we were told I wouldn't be leaving until I delivered. You watched me get blood drawn, given medicine and IVs. You fed me ice chips for 2 days while I couldn't eat or drink anything. You visited me every night after work just to have dinner with me and slept over when I finally moved into my own room.
When we found out I would be having a C-Section I honestly thought you wouldn't be able to handle it but you were there, held my hand and just told me I was doing great. I know you were torn between staying with me and going with Faris but he needed you more than I did.
You are so supportive of me and would be so with anything I wanted to do. I am so happy that our boys will have such a wonderful man to look up to as a father & husband to their wives one day. I know I tell you I love you all the time but I want you to know how much I truly appreciate you for everything that you do for me and our boys, even Bruno.
I love you so much.
We have the best times together. I love our little family outings to Old Town or a random afternoon in DC. It doesn't matter where the day takes us, as long as we are together as a family, I know we will be laughing.
I have watched you grow into such an amazing person, father and husband over the past five years together. I admire your determination and strength to take care of us and allow me to stay at home with our children. I love when you come home after a long day at work and want to play with Hamza. The sound of him giggling and you playing along with him are some of the best noises in the world. That boy loves you so much and I know Faris will too.
I am so proud of how well you have handled this crazy situation we have been thrown in to. We thought June was an eventful month but I guess we really had no idea just how insane it could get. You were my rock that first night at the hospital when we were told I wouldn't be leaving until I delivered. You watched me get blood drawn, given medicine and IVs. You fed me ice chips for 2 days while I couldn't eat or drink anything. You visited me every night after work just to have dinner with me and slept over when I finally moved into my own room.
When we found out I would be having a C-Section I honestly thought you wouldn't be able to handle it but you were there, held my hand and just told me I was doing great. I know you were torn between staying with me and going with Faris but he needed you more than I did.
You are so supportive of me and would be so with anything I wanted to do. I am so happy that our boys will have such a wonderful man to look up to as a father & husband to their wives one day. I know I tell you I love you all the time but I want you to know how much I truly appreciate you for everything that you do for me and our boys, even Bruno.
I love you so much.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Just Say A Little Prayer
I have been loving my time spent with Faris the past couple of days!
More and more family have come to visit him. We gave him another bath over the weekend and I spent an entire hour holding him today. I wish it didn't have to end. He changes every time we see him and is just doing so well in there.
During my visit yesterday, I was given a shocking little dose of reality. About 20 minutes into holding Faris I realized I heard someone crying across the room. I am sure most of you know where this is going but I, along with the other mother's and visitors in the room, were asked to leave.
Ali & I have been so blessed to have such a healthy baby who has been able to breath on his own. Who tolerates his feeds well and continues to be moved up on the amount almost daily and is gaining weight. Who doesn't need much oxygen and the little extra that he has needed is normal for his age. Most importantly, who is still with us and is allowing us to get through these days fairly easy.
I would like to ask those of you who read this blog to take a moment and say a little prayer. I don't know that family. You don't know that family. What I do know, is that prayers are always heard no matter what religion we are. So take a minute away from Facebook, your cell phone, the TV & DVR and even this blog and say a little prayer. Not just for Faris but all of the babies, their families and the nurses & doctors who work so hard to watch carefully over them for the parents.
More and more family have come to visit him. We gave him another bath over the weekend and I spent an entire hour holding him today. I wish it didn't have to end. He changes every time we see him and is just doing so well in there.
During my visit yesterday, I was given a shocking little dose of reality. About 20 minutes into holding Faris I realized I heard someone crying across the room. I am sure most of you know where this is going but I, along with the other mother's and visitors in the room, were asked to leave.
Ali & I have been so blessed to have such a healthy baby who has been able to breath on his own. Who tolerates his feeds well and continues to be moved up on the amount almost daily and is gaining weight. Who doesn't need much oxygen and the little extra that he has needed is normal for his age. Most importantly, who is still with us and is allowing us to get through these days fairly easy.
I would like to ask those of you who read this blog to take a moment and say a little prayer. I don't know that family. You don't know that family. What I do know, is that prayers are always heard no matter what religion we are. So take a minute away from Facebook, your cell phone, the TV & DVR and even this blog and say a little prayer. Not just for Faris but all of the babies, their families and the nurses & doctors who work so hard to watch carefully over them for the parents.
Friday, July 8, 2011
:)
Today was a much better day than yesterday was!
Jeannie came and picked me up and we drove down to see Faris. The plan was to go during his hands on time so we would both get a chance to hold him but his temperature was a little on the cold side. The nurse didn't seem too sure about taking him out and I didn't want to do anything that wouldn't be good for him. Jeannie had said that holding him would be a great birthday present but I guess he just wanted her to really work for it.
The nurses today were trying out the oxygen prongs instead of the cpap mask. He was tolerating it well and his saturation level was staying within a normal range but he was just not happy about those little tubes in his nose. This stubborn little man just has his mind set on doing things his own way. I still think that he just wanted to be out of my stomach and karate kicked the amniotic sac in an effort to come out that night. He can be as stubborn as he wants to as long as he keeps going in the direction he has been going.
I am so proud of how well he is doing and I make sure to tell him every time I visit him. I talk to him about what his brother has been doing in Utah. What his daddy is doing at work and about his dog. I tell him about his aunts, uncles, and all of his grandparents and how much they all love him. I am finally able to drive so I can spend more time down there with him, especially while Hamza is still in Utah. I can't wait to read him some books and just spend more time with him, holding him and helping with whatever I can.
There will be many ups and downs throughout this adventure. Yesterday was a down day and I am allowed to have those from time to time but today was a much better day. I had a great afternoon with Jeannie and a wonderful evening with my family. I felt like a spoiled 16 year old who finally got their license! (Hey, if you weren't allowed to drive for 2 weeks and your husband comes home with a new car for you the first day home from the hospital, you would feel the same way!) And although I miss both of my kids more than anything, having a break and time to recover is kind of nice and will give me time to focus on myself and Faris.
Jeannie came and picked me up and we drove down to see Faris. The plan was to go during his hands on time so we would both get a chance to hold him but his temperature was a little on the cold side. The nurse didn't seem too sure about taking him out and I didn't want to do anything that wouldn't be good for him. Jeannie had said that holding him would be a great birthday present but I guess he just wanted her to really work for it.
The nurses today were trying out the oxygen prongs instead of the cpap mask. He was tolerating it well and his saturation level was staying within a normal range but he was just not happy about those little tubes in his nose. This stubborn little man just has his mind set on doing things his own way. I still think that he just wanted to be out of my stomach and karate kicked the amniotic sac in an effort to come out that night. He can be as stubborn as he wants to as long as he keeps going in the direction he has been going.
I am so proud of how well he is doing and I make sure to tell him every time I visit him. I talk to him about what his brother has been doing in Utah. What his daddy is doing at work and about his dog. I tell him about his aunts, uncles, and all of his grandparents and how much they all love him. I am finally able to drive so I can spend more time down there with him, especially while Hamza is still in Utah. I can't wait to read him some books and just spend more time with him, holding him and helping with whatever I can.
There will be many ups and downs throughout this adventure. Yesterday was a down day and I am allowed to have those from time to time but today was a much better day. I had a great afternoon with Jeannie and a wonderful evening with my family. I felt like a spoiled 16 year old who finally got their license! (Hey, if you weren't allowed to drive for 2 weeks and your husband comes home with a new car for you the first day home from the hospital, you would feel the same way!) And although I miss both of my kids more than anything, having a break and time to recover is kind of nice and will give me time to focus on myself and Faris.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Blame It On The Hormones....
I never knew how much a quiet house could make me just a little bit sad.
I am missing the sound of all of the toys that Hamza plays with. The sound of him throwing his blocks, and everything else, across the hardwood floors. The sound of my closet doors being opened and shut repeatedly and not softly. Playing hide & seek with him and his giggles when I jump out after he finds me. The sound of his voice singing to all of the kid songs on the CD I made him while we drive in the car.
I have looked at all of the pictures on Facebook, my phone, my computer and photo album more than once.... more than twice even. I have replayed the video of him saying his name at least 20 times and every time I smile.
He is having a blast in Utah with my mom and Grandma and actually talked to me a little tiny bit over the phone this morning. He blossoms so much there, it's amazing. It has just been a little lonely without my buddy tagging along with me.
In my wildest dreams did the thought of leaving the hospital without my baby ever cross my mind. I should be up all night with a baby, constantly changing diapers and feeding two little ones. The NICU is taking great care of him and I know that it is the best place for him but today I am just missing that tiny baby boy. The nurses are all amazing there and they love him so much. I couldn't ask for more for him.
I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I have everything I could have ever wanted out of life and I thank God ever day for what He has given me. I have an amazing husband who works so hard every single day to put food on the table, a roof over our heads, a car to drive and anything else I could ever want. I have the best little boy in the world. He is so smart and just cracks me up all the time with how mischievous he can be and most of all he is healthy. My baby boy is such a strong little fighter and has amazed everyone with how well he is doing. My family is so loving and would do anything for me just as I would do anything for them.
The social worker from the NICU explained that there would be days like this and it's OK to feel this way. I am going to let myself have this one day to be a little sad about it and that's all I get. I need to be strong for my boys and for myself because that's what is keeping all of them going.
So today is my one day.... & I blame it on the hormones.
I am missing the sound of all of the toys that Hamza plays with. The sound of him throwing his blocks, and everything else, across the hardwood floors. The sound of my closet doors being opened and shut repeatedly and not softly. Playing hide & seek with him and his giggles when I jump out after he finds me. The sound of his voice singing to all of the kid songs on the CD I made him while we drive in the car.
I have looked at all of the pictures on Facebook, my phone, my computer and photo album more than once.... more than twice even. I have replayed the video of him saying his name at least 20 times and every time I smile.
He is having a blast in Utah with my mom and Grandma and actually talked to me a little tiny bit over the phone this morning. He blossoms so much there, it's amazing. It has just been a little lonely without my buddy tagging along with me.
In my wildest dreams did the thought of leaving the hospital without my baby ever cross my mind. I should be up all night with a baby, constantly changing diapers and feeding two little ones. The NICU is taking great care of him and I know that it is the best place for him but today I am just missing that tiny baby boy. The nurses are all amazing there and they love him so much. I couldn't ask for more for him.
I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I have everything I could have ever wanted out of life and I thank God ever day for what He has given me. I have an amazing husband who works so hard every single day to put food on the table, a roof over our heads, a car to drive and anything else I could ever want. I have the best little boy in the world. He is so smart and just cracks me up all the time with how mischievous he can be and most of all he is healthy. My baby boy is such a strong little fighter and has amazed everyone with how well he is doing. My family is so loving and would do anything for me just as I would do anything for them.
The social worker from the NICU explained that there would be days like this and it's OK to feel this way. I am going to let myself have this one day to be a little sad about it and that's all I get. I need to be strong for my boys and for myself because that's what is keeping all of them going.
So today is my one day.... & I blame it on the hormones.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Long Distance Love
My mornings have taken quite a turn this week. I get up, make my coffee, let the dog out and watch the clock to make my phone calls. My first is to the NICU to see how Faris' night went and what the plans are for the day. Then my second call is to my mom to see what Hamza is doing and how he slept. My third call is to Ali to give him the update on our two little boys.
Faris is doing so well! I have actually learned quite a bit of the medical terms that they use.
Spells are when the baby forgets to breath
Dsat is in reference to his oxygen levels going below a certain range
BRADY is in reference to his heart rate dropping
Last night, he had none of these. His feed is holding steady at 1.8ML an hour and being tolerated well. His temperature has remained steady and his blood sugar is normal and under control from last week when it went up high. The nurses explained to me that it was normal for that to happen because he was so little and it wouldn't need medical intervention since it has come down.
His nurse last night also called him a rockstar. I told her I was still waiting for the call that wasn't all good news but it hasn't happened yet. Their first rule in there is never trust a preemie. Hopefully this kid proves them wrong but I am prepared for the not so good update to eventually happen.
Hamza got to meet his Great Great Grandma & Aunt last night and put on quite a show for them. He knew that they were trying to take a picture of him and wouldn't look at the camera! After getting some toys out and some coaxing from my mom to say, 'Cheese!' he gave in and smiled for them.
My mom sends me pictures of him in the morning and when she gets home with him. She sent the best video of him saying Hamza last night too. It was so cute! He spends the day with my Grandma and 2 cousins, playing outside, watching Disney Channel and making a mess.
I miss that little man but it has been nice for Ali and I to reconnect and for me to rest up and focus on Faris. I think Bruno, our dog, is more upset about what is going on than we are.
I CANNOT wait for tonight!! We get to give Faris a bath! It wont be his first one as they have it scheduled for every three days and we were still adjusting to what was going on & me being in the hospital but I am so excited! I have the video camera all charged up and a new disc ready to go! I just need the time to go a little bit faster and get to 8 PM so we can get in there and see him.
I love my little boys so much!
Faris is doing so well! I have actually learned quite a bit of the medical terms that they use.
Spells are when the baby forgets to breath
Dsat is in reference to his oxygen levels going below a certain range
BRADY is in reference to his heart rate dropping
Last night, he had none of these. His feed is holding steady at 1.8ML an hour and being tolerated well. His temperature has remained steady and his blood sugar is normal and under control from last week when it went up high. The nurses explained to me that it was normal for that to happen because he was so little and it wouldn't need medical intervention since it has come down.
His nurse last night also called him a rockstar. I told her I was still waiting for the call that wasn't all good news but it hasn't happened yet. Their first rule in there is never trust a preemie. Hopefully this kid proves them wrong but I am prepared for the not so good update to eventually happen.
Hamza got to meet his Great Great Grandma & Aunt last night and put on quite a show for them. He knew that they were trying to take a picture of him and wouldn't look at the camera! After getting some toys out and some coaxing from my mom to say, 'Cheese!' he gave in and smiled for them.
My mom sends me pictures of him in the morning and when she gets home with him. She sent the best video of him saying Hamza last night too. It was so cute! He spends the day with my Grandma and 2 cousins, playing outside, watching Disney Channel and making a mess.
I miss that little man but it has been nice for Ali and I to reconnect and for me to rest up and focus on Faris. I think Bruno, our dog, is more upset about what is going on than we are.
I CANNOT wait for tonight!! We get to give Faris a bath! It wont be his first one as they have it scheduled for every three days and we were still adjusting to what was going on & me being in the hospital but I am so excited! I have the video camera all charged up and a new disc ready to go! I just need the time to go a little bit faster and get to 8 PM so we can get in there and see him.
I love my little boys so much!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
My Little Fighter
Today my little fighter turns one week old. His progress so far has been amazing. Touching and holding him still brings on a wave of emotions. I am happy to be holding him but only being able to for a short period of time is still hard to get over. July 1st was my first time holding him and Ali got his first chance on July 4th. We also got to get a good look at him without his cpap on on the 4th as well.
The nurses are all amazing. I couldn't ask for him to have better care than what he is getting.
His Progress So Far:
Faris was born on June 28 by C-Section weighing 2lbs 7 oz & 14 1/2 inches. He is doing well breathing on his own but with the aide of a cpap machine. It is basically the same thing that someone with sleep apnea uses to keep the pressure in their lungs. He started out at a level 5 and has been weaned and doing well at a level 4. He is on Oxygen but it is the same amount that you and I are breathing in at this moment.
His feed started out at .03ML per hour and has been upped almost daily and is at 1.8ML per hour as of this morning. He is taking breast milk in his feed as well as a mixture of lipids, electrolytes and fat to help beef him up. I am pumping at home and then they store it in their freezer for three days to make sure any bacteria or germs are killed off. It feels so good to see that little tiny tube full of breast milk going into his little mouth.
He has had two head sonograms to check the size and structure of his brain and will continue to have those done throughout his stay in the NICU. So far, they have both been normal. His brain is looking good and there are no signs of bleeding.
Today he was taken off of light therapy which was to help his bilirubin levels come down. They started out in the 5s and had come down to 3.8 as of this morning. There is a chance that he will go on and off that during his stay, which is fine. His skin looked so amazing when we saw him yesterday! He started off kind of reddish and was really starting to get newborn baby skin.
He had lost a small amount of weight but was back up to 2lbs 6oz. The nurse said it takes a full term baby about a week to get back to their birth weight so they were all very pleased with his progress. I think he was just showing off.
I am so proud of my baby boy and I love him so much. I never could have imagined being faced with this but I am so happy and thankful to God that he is doing so well. We are headed down tomorrow and get to give him his first bath as long as he is still stable! I can't wait to share that moment with him!
The nurses are all amazing. I couldn't ask for him to have better care than what he is getting.
His Progress So Far:
Faris was born on June 28 by C-Section weighing 2lbs 7 oz & 14 1/2 inches. He is doing well breathing on his own but with the aide of a cpap machine. It is basically the same thing that someone with sleep apnea uses to keep the pressure in their lungs. He started out at a level 5 and has been weaned and doing well at a level 4. He is on Oxygen but it is the same amount that you and I are breathing in at this moment.
His feed started out at .03ML per hour and has been upped almost daily and is at 1.8ML per hour as of this morning. He is taking breast milk in his feed as well as a mixture of lipids, electrolytes and fat to help beef him up. I am pumping at home and then they store it in their freezer for three days to make sure any bacteria or germs are killed off. It feels so good to see that little tiny tube full of breast milk going into his little mouth.
He has had two head sonograms to check the size and structure of his brain and will continue to have those done throughout his stay in the NICU. So far, they have both been normal. His brain is looking good and there are no signs of bleeding.
Today he was taken off of light therapy which was to help his bilirubin levels come down. They started out in the 5s and had come down to 3.8 as of this morning. There is a chance that he will go on and off that during his stay, which is fine. His skin looked so amazing when we saw him yesterday! He started off kind of reddish and was really starting to get newborn baby skin.
He had lost a small amount of weight but was back up to 2lbs 6oz. The nurse said it takes a full term baby about a week to get back to their birth weight so they were all very pleased with his progress. I think he was just showing off.
I am so proud of my baby boy and I love him so much. I never could have imagined being faced with this but I am so happy and thankful to God that he is doing so well. We are headed down tomorrow and get to give him his first bath as long as he is still stable! I can't wait to share that moment with him!
Sunday, July 3, 2011
So Much Has Changed In Just A Few Days
I had been settling in to my new home and my 'vacation' time last Tuesday evening. It started out as just a small back pain which I attributed to laying in a crappy bed for 2 weeks and not getting a full nights sleep. Boy was I wrong! At about 5:30 PM the contractions started, they weren't too bad at first and I let it go for about 25 minutes to make sure that they were real. I called the nurse in only to go through another 30 minutes of not being able to get them to show on the monitor. She wanted to take me off but I convinced her that it was real and she kept watching. After that, the timing of everything got a little fuzzy.
The doctor came in along with my new nurse (of course, this had to happen at shift change) and another nurse to get an IV started. The nurse took one look at my hands and said she wouldn't be able to do it there because of the bruising from the weekend before. She then tried three different times, in between contractions, to get a vein that wouldn't blow with the size of needle they wanted in me. She felt terrible for having to stick me but I knew it needed to be done and kept telling her to keep going.
The doctor came back in after looking over some papers and asked me if anyone had checked to see if I had dilated. No one had and I knew what was coming next. It turned out that I was completely effaced and was 3 cm dilated. The next step was a sonogram to see if he was still head down.
Have I mentioned that I had not been able to get a hold of Ali for most of this? He decided to leave his phone in the car and went to the gym. Luckily, he got out of the gym in time for him to get down to me. The nurses were all instructed to kick him in the shins when he got there and they assured me that they would.
The sonogram revealed that he had flipped back over and was in breech position. I would be having a C Section to get my little man out and the idea was completely terrifying. I was wheeled down the Labor & Delivery Triage to wait for the doctors to prepare and to go over all of the steps of the surgery and all of the things that could go terribly wrong.
The surgery was the strangest feeling I have ever felt but it went well and it seemed pretty fast. It was so good to have Ali there next to me (he made it on time but barely). The doctors and nurses were all so amazing and very nice to me. The anesthesiologist kept patting my head and telling me I was doing a great job. I was honestly more satisfied with how well he was doing a his job but my hands were strapped down so I couldn't pat him back.
Recovery went pretty well. They drugged me up quite nicely and I slept through most of the night.
Faris Ali Rahmani was born June 28, 2011 2 lbs 7 oz., 14 1/2 inches, at 27 weeks & 3 days.
He is doing so well in the NICU and has been since he got there that night. He hasn't needed to be on oxygen, thank God, only a cpap which is basically the same thing for someone who has sleep apnea. Every nurse says that he is very feisty and it even took two of them to hold him and get his IV in the first night. Holding him for the first time on Thursday was so good as I had not been able to do anything but touch him through the holes in his bed. He pushes his little butt up in the air with his tiny little legs to get comfy or if he is mad. I think he wants out of there more than we want him out of there.
I love that tiny little man so much that I would sleep by his bedside if the nurses would allow me to. I can't wait for him to come home to us but I know we have a long road ahead and every day there is one closer to him coming home.
Thank you to everyone for your prayers and well wishes. I know that they are working and keeping this little man going.
Thank you Steph for watching Hamza and not even thinking twice about it.
But especially, thank you to my mom. I seriously don't know what we would have done without you to watch Hamza, clean, do laundry, cook and everything else that you have done. Words cannot express how much you mean to us. Love you, mom.
The doctor came in along with my new nurse (of course, this had to happen at shift change) and another nurse to get an IV started. The nurse took one look at my hands and said she wouldn't be able to do it there because of the bruising from the weekend before. She then tried three different times, in between contractions, to get a vein that wouldn't blow with the size of needle they wanted in me. She felt terrible for having to stick me but I knew it needed to be done and kept telling her to keep going.
The doctor came back in after looking over some papers and asked me if anyone had checked to see if I had dilated. No one had and I knew what was coming next. It turned out that I was completely effaced and was 3 cm dilated. The next step was a sonogram to see if he was still head down.
Have I mentioned that I had not been able to get a hold of Ali for most of this? He decided to leave his phone in the car and went to the gym. Luckily, he got out of the gym in time for him to get down to me. The nurses were all instructed to kick him in the shins when he got there and they assured me that they would.
The sonogram revealed that he had flipped back over and was in breech position. I would be having a C Section to get my little man out and the idea was completely terrifying. I was wheeled down the Labor & Delivery Triage to wait for the doctors to prepare and to go over all of the steps of the surgery and all of the things that could go terribly wrong.
The surgery was the strangest feeling I have ever felt but it went well and it seemed pretty fast. It was so good to have Ali there next to me (he made it on time but barely). The doctors and nurses were all so amazing and very nice to me. The anesthesiologist kept patting my head and telling me I was doing a great job. I was honestly more satisfied with how well he was doing a his job but my hands were strapped down so I couldn't pat him back.
Recovery went pretty well. They drugged me up quite nicely and I slept through most of the night.
Faris Ali Rahmani was born June 28, 2011 2 lbs 7 oz., 14 1/2 inches, at 27 weeks & 3 days.
He is doing so well in the NICU and has been since he got there that night. He hasn't needed to be on oxygen, thank God, only a cpap which is basically the same thing for someone who has sleep apnea. Every nurse says that he is very feisty and it even took two of them to hold him and get his IV in the first night. Holding him for the first time on Thursday was so good as I had not been able to do anything but touch him through the holes in his bed. He pushes his little butt up in the air with his tiny little legs to get comfy or if he is mad. I think he wants out of there more than we want him out of there.
I love that tiny little man so much that I would sleep by his bedside if the nurses would allow me to. I can't wait for him to come home to us but I know we have a long road ahead and every day there is one closer to him coming home.
Thank you to everyone for your prayers and well wishes. I know that they are working and keeping this little man going.
Thank you Steph for watching Hamza and not even thinking twice about it.
But especially, thank you to my mom. I seriously don't know what we would have done without you to watch Hamza, clean, do laundry, cook and everything else that you have done. Words cannot express how much you mean to us. Love you, mom.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Vacation!
I have decided to look at this hospital stay as a vacation and let me explain why.
I don't have to clean anything in here. Not one thing. The garbage gets taken out twice a day. The bathroom is cleaned daily. My sheets are changed daily. I have room service with which they will put the food on my table and bring it right up to me to eat. I don't have to cook for Ali & he will actually be doing his own laundry. (Well, after my mom leaves.) Anything that I need, I just pick up the phone and someone brings it to me. I don't even have to get out of bed to get it nor do I have to put on pants! I am expected to gain weight while on this vacation and It would actually be bad if I didn't. I have also been instructed to stay in bed and I can sleep as late as I would like to! If that doesn't sound like a vacation, then I don't know what would.
In all honesty, I would like to say to how wonderful the doctors, nurses and staff have been to me. Everyone here is so friendly and courteous. If I am going to be away from my family, they are doing their best to make it seem as though I am part of their family. They've hugged me when I was sad and crying and are cheerful every time my vitals are checked or it's time to hook me up to the monitor. I couldn't be more thankful for their loving care during my stay here.
I don't have to clean anything in here. Not one thing. The garbage gets taken out twice a day. The bathroom is cleaned daily. My sheets are changed daily. I have room service with which they will put the food on my table and bring it right up to me to eat. I don't have to cook for Ali & he will actually be doing his own laundry. (Well, after my mom leaves.) Anything that I need, I just pick up the phone and someone brings it to me. I don't even have to get out of bed to get it nor do I have to put on pants! I am expected to gain weight while on this vacation and It would actually be bad if I didn't. I have also been instructed to stay in bed and I can sleep as late as I would like to! If that doesn't sound like a vacation, then I don't know what would.
In all honesty, I would like to say to how wonderful the doctors, nurses and staff have been to me. Everyone here is so friendly and courteous. If I am going to be away from my family, they are doing their best to make it seem as though I am part of their family. They've hugged me when I was sad and crying and are cheerful every time my vitals are checked or it's time to hook me up to the monitor. I couldn't be more thankful for their loving care during my stay here.
Monday, June 27, 2011
My Wonderful, Amazing Mother
My mom has always been there for Katie & I. She has always been loving and supportive no matter what kind of craziness we put her through. She has always been there to stock a fridge, help with a bill, fix a car but most importantly a shoulder to cry on and always there to listen.
The second we called her and told her what was going on, she basically jumped on the next flight out to be by my side. Seeing her walk around the curtain was the most comforting feeling that I had felt in the past 48 hours and of course brought on a new wave of emotion. It was bittersweet seeing her. I knew I wouldn't get to share the time with her but I knew that Hamza & Ali would be taken care of at home.
She has spent her days here cleaning up the house as we were still in the middle of unpacking. She finished putting together our furniture, which Ali & I both have no idea she got it all moved around by herself. While doing that she has filled up our fridge twice, been taking care of Hamza, coming to visit me and going to Walmart getting all the little things for the house that I was planning on getting. She has also started training Bruno how to use the doggy door.
Hamza is going back to Utah with her next week and although I will miss him terribly, it is wonderful to know that he will have her. I don't know how she is going to do it because he is one rambunctious two year old. What I do know is that he will get to experience the same love that we grew up with and not only from my mom but from my grandma and everyone else there too.
I don't know how I will ever repay her for stepping in like this for my family. There's no way she would take any money just help out with diapers while he is there let alone just the expense of everything else. I will never feel that us thanking her will ever be enough to truly thank her for what she has done and is doing. The only way I know how to thank her is to be just the same loving, caring, calm, non-judgemental, open person and mother to my kids as she has been to Katie & I.
I love you mom.
The second we called her and told her what was going on, she basically jumped on the next flight out to be by my side. Seeing her walk around the curtain was the most comforting feeling that I had felt in the past 48 hours and of course brought on a new wave of emotion. It was bittersweet seeing her. I knew I wouldn't get to share the time with her but I knew that Hamza & Ali would be taken care of at home.
She has spent her days here cleaning up the house as we were still in the middle of unpacking. She finished putting together our furniture, which Ali & I both have no idea she got it all moved around by herself. While doing that she has filled up our fridge twice, been taking care of Hamza, coming to visit me and going to Walmart getting all the little things for the house that I was planning on getting. She has also started training Bruno how to use the doggy door.
Hamza is going back to Utah with her next week and although I will miss him terribly, it is wonderful to know that he will have her. I don't know how she is going to do it because he is one rambunctious two year old. What I do know is that he will get to experience the same love that we grew up with and not only from my mom but from my grandma and everyone else there too.
I don't know how I will ever repay her for stepping in like this for my family. There's no way she would take any money just help out with diapers while he is there let alone just the expense of everything else. I will never feel that us thanking her will ever be enough to truly thank her for what she has done and is doing. The only way I know how to thank her is to be just the same loving, caring, calm, non-judgemental, open person and mother to my kids as she has been to Katie & I.
I love you mom.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Squeaky Clean!
The tile is a little outdated and it doesn't quite all go together. The faucet squeaks very loudly when turned on and off. Who knows how long the shower curtain has been there and how many random naked women have touched it or what they have touched it with. I don't even go near the stool inside the staul and feel badly for my shampoo & conditioner bottles that have to hang out on it while I am in there. Now, the light fixture is a totally different story. There must be a giant store out there somewhere that specializes in terrible florescent lighting as this hospital seems to have invested a ton of money in them. The towels are a little scratchy and you have to choose if you want to cover your boobs or your butt. But today, in that cramped little space, was the most amazing shower I have ever taken. I had no IV in my hand. Clean sheets to come out to and a clean gown to let my bum hang out in. Amazing.
Friday, June 24, 2011
My Days Without Pants
Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that I would be spending weeks without pants and having countless random people ask me if I was still leaking, how it looked and if it smelled. (Lovely, I know.) I have been poked in my arms and hands so much the last 6 days that they look like a small land mine field. I could probably play connect the dots and come up with some pretty interesting shapes if I got really bored. My temperature has been taken more times than Hamza has had his taken in his two years. By this point, I am pretty sure I could run my own IV Antibiotics if the nurses wanted to take a quick break.
My roommate has the window section of the room so I haven't quite seen daylight since Sunday. She is also quite pleaseant. Most of the nurses that I see go to her part of the room, walk back by rolling their eyes and looking annoyed. She has complained about almost all the food she orders, the filtered water and she is going to be in here FOREVER, according to her (P.S. Her C-Section was moved to this coming Monday.) When they want to put her on the monitor, she asks how long it will be and if she has to do it right now. I didn't think that 5 year olds could have babies and jobs and cell phones but maybe I have just been in here that long.
Faris is doing great so far, thank God. Today has been a little touchy as it turns out he pooped and my temperature is slightly elevated. They put me on the monitor and drew some blood to check my white blood cells and will let me know what the next steps are. They said he looks great so not to worry too much yet but maybe I should tell these people that I have the worst kind of luck with these things. If it can happen, it will happen to me. If there is a side effect, I will get it and it will be the worst you've ever seen. It is calming to know, no matter how many times I have cried and been worried, that this hospital has the best NICU in our area. I will heal, I will be fine and this little boy will have the best care possible. Plus this hospital has no idea what kind of family I have on both sides. We aren't afraid to raise hell if need be. ;)
I am trying to keep my spirits up and be a cheerful patient. There is no point in being a Debby Downer or not being nice to the nurses and staff here or just plain being in a bad mood. It wouldn't be good for Faris and it would be even worse for me. I have a TV all to myself with all of my channels that I watch at home, NetFlix, magazines & books, internet and stuff to make some necklaces. Plus Princess Sassy Pants (The roommate as Randi has named her) keeps things pretty interesting with what she is going to complain about next.
My roommate has the window section of the room so I haven't quite seen daylight since Sunday. She is also quite pleaseant. Most of the nurses that I see go to her part of the room, walk back by rolling their eyes and looking annoyed. She has complained about almost all the food she orders, the filtered water and she is going to be in here FOREVER, according to her (P.S. Her C-Section was moved to this coming Monday.) When they want to put her on the monitor, she asks how long it will be and if she has to do it right now. I didn't think that 5 year olds could have babies and jobs and cell phones but maybe I have just been in here that long.
Faris is doing great so far, thank God. Today has been a little touchy as it turns out he pooped and my temperature is slightly elevated. They put me on the monitor and drew some blood to check my white blood cells and will let me know what the next steps are. They said he looks great so not to worry too much yet but maybe I should tell these people that I have the worst kind of luck with these things. If it can happen, it will happen to me. If there is a side effect, I will get it and it will be the worst you've ever seen. It is calming to know, no matter how many times I have cried and been worried, that this hospital has the best NICU in our area. I will heal, I will be fine and this little boy will have the best care possible. Plus this hospital has no idea what kind of family I have on both sides. We aren't afraid to raise hell if need be. ;)
I am trying to keep my spirits up and be a cheerful patient. There is no point in being a Debby Downer or not being nice to the nurses and staff here or just plain being in a bad mood. It wouldn't be good for Faris and it would be even worse for me. I have a TV all to myself with all of my channels that I watch at home, NetFlix, magazines & books, internet and stuff to make some necklaces. Plus Princess Sassy Pants (The roommate as Randi has named her) keeps things pretty interesting with what she is going to complain about next.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
INOVA Fairfax Hospital is My Current Address
The month of June has been quite exciting for my family. We had just closed on our first house and moved in on the 10th. I was 27 weeks into my second pregnancy and was really enjoying my last few months as just a family of three. Everything was really going very well with the pregnancy. I had no issues, my weight gain was much better than it had been with Hamza (as in not as much), I was feeling great and getting ready to start unpacking baby clothes and items in preparation for this little man in the next few months.
Father's Day 2011:
Ali had decided he wanted a whole little weekend to choose what we do and I had no problem with that! We started at the pool on Saturday afternoon and ended the evening walking around Old Town Alexandria. Definetly one of our favorite things to do and little did we know that it would be our last little family outting for a while.
The next day, I made him breakfast and gave him his card that I had made and hid for a few weeks. The day went on as it normally does on the weekend, quietly and camly.
That was until dinner time.
At about 6 PM I had noticed that certain things that were going on with me were not what they should be. We called Steph who told us immediately to call my doctor to which she returned our call and said to come to Reston Hospital right away. Upon getting undressed and into the bed, she could already tell that my water had broken. At any other point after September would have been fine but I was only 27 weeks pregnant and it was way too early.
I was transferred to Fairfax Hospital that night and put on a terrible drug called Magnesium Sulfate to prevent and/or stop any contractions. I had all the side effects that they said I would get but multiplied by 100. Like seeing a dog in the room (hallucinations), loosing all of my reflexes & strength, double vision and couldn't even talk. Ali even ended up having to brush my teeth and put my hair up for me. For the most part, I don't remember Sunday evening to about Tuesday morning.
So I am here until this little man decides to come out. It could be tomorrow, it could be in Septemeber. I couldn't be more thankful to Steph for taking Hamza those first days and for my mom who jumped on the first flight out and is staying with him now. I don't know what we would have done without you. This is going to be an interesting road we are all about to go down.
Father's Day 2011:
Ali had decided he wanted a whole little weekend to choose what we do and I had no problem with that! We started at the pool on Saturday afternoon and ended the evening walking around Old Town Alexandria. Definetly one of our favorite things to do and little did we know that it would be our last little family outting for a while.
The next day, I made him breakfast and gave him his card that I had made and hid for a few weeks. The day went on as it normally does on the weekend, quietly and camly.
That was until dinner time.
At about 6 PM I had noticed that certain things that were going on with me were not what they should be. We called Steph who told us immediately to call my doctor to which she returned our call and said to come to Reston Hospital right away. Upon getting undressed and into the bed, she could already tell that my water had broken. At any other point after September would have been fine but I was only 27 weeks pregnant and it was way too early.
I was transferred to Fairfax Hospital that night and put on a terrible drug called Magnesium Sulfate to prevent and/or stop any contractions. I had all the side effects that they said I would get but multiplied by 100. Like seeing a dog in the room (hallucinations), loosing all of my reflexes & strength, double vision and couldn't even talk. Ali even ended up having to brush my teeth and put my hair up for me. For the most part, I don't remember Sunday evening to about Tuesday morning.
So I am here until this little man decides to come out. It could be tomorrow, it could be in Septemeber. I couldn't be more thankful to Steph for taking Hamza those first days and for my mom who jumped on the first flight out and is staying with him now. I don't know what we would have done without you. This is going to be an interesting road we are all about to go down.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)